(Was supposed to post this yest, but streamyx was being a bi-atch..)
This was my schedule: (Coffehouse, hot kitchen):
Tuesday: 7am-6.30pm
Wednesday: 7am-6.30pm
Thursday: 7am-7pm
Friday: 7am-8pm
Saturday: 7am-9pm
Sunday: (was supposed to be my off day but...) 7am-3pm
Monday: 7am-8pm
Tuesday :Off
Wednesday:7am-6pm
And the cycle continues til this Saturday.
Like OMFG right?
I go to work before sunrise, came back during/after sunset. My eye bags are getting worse with each passing day. I looked like a friggin racoon T_____T
But despite of waking up at 5am everyday and getting only 4-5 hours of sleep, I feel surprisingly..happy. Its weird, I know.
Working at the Coffeehouse is better than I expected. I realised that I cant work in a quiet/boring place (banquet). I need something to do - all the time. I cant sit still and do nothing.
Maybe its my way of blocking any unnecessary thoughts from entering my mind.
Hmm but I'll usually get a headache after 9 hours of working though. Had paracetamol (cheh) almost everyday. I know I know. Not good for health. But at least its helping on the headache thing.
Working at Coffeehouse made me realised that I've developed a bond between me and the workers there. And a strange fondness towards the place and cuisine. But I still prefer pastry. Heh.
I hope I wont cry on my last day there. That will be oh-so embarassing. And I heard they wanna splash me with eggs and flour on my last day? O_o
God, help me.
Sometimes I feel genuinely happy. Sometimes I had to fake it. And other times, I feel so..alone. Eventhough I'm surrounded by a mass of people. Sometimes I feel like packing my bags, quit college and study abroad. To leave this place, to leave everything behind. To start a new life. To forget..everything.
I know most of you are going to kill me for saying that. I know most of you are dying to go back to college. I was one of you two months ago. That I even made a countdown to go back to college. I made plans.. But everything has changed. I dont feel like going back..
I dont think I ever wanna go back..
But of course, my mom would slaughter me. =.='
Talking to the chefs there were amazing. They really made me see things differently. Most of them had to leave their wife's and family behind. I dont think I can do that. I'd rather be alone. I dont think I want to get married in the future..hmm
One of the Sous Chef told me he dreamt of going abroad before. But he was tied to his family. His responsibilty towards his fam. Gosh. Such a waste I think. I'd rather be chasing my dreams though. At least now I know a tiny bit of what you feel.
The Pastry Chef told me to go to ^%^%& or &*(@.
I'm still contemplating between this two country. I dont know..
At least my mom gave me the green light to pursue my dreams at either one of those two places.
What if I make the wrong choice?
Hmm. The EC has been acting a bit weird lately. Like on Sunday, I was chopping some stuff, he came into the kitchen and gave me this balloon. Shaped into a bumblee bee! He asked me to bring back the balloon and went out from the kitchen.
O__________OSiao d I think. Ish. But it was so cute. Nyeh :P
Shut up people. At least I got a cute balloon and you dont.*bluek*
And on Chinatown night, the F&B Ass. Manager came to me while I was rolling the peking duck thingy.
AM: Eyh you no home ar? Morning, afternoon and evening I see you.
Me: *without thinking* This is my home what.AM: *slaps the table and laugh* Good answer. Smart girl. You. Are. Perfect. For hotel line.
Me: *looking at him weirdly*AM: Those people who work and go home sharp time are not suitable to be working in a hotel line. Hotel lines are hard work okay. Not everyone can work in a hotel.
His colleague was nearby and he told him,
'Eyh I asked her she has no home ar and you know what she asnwered me? That this place is her home. Where got other trainee ever answered me like that? All also wanna go home sharp time.'
Some of the staffs were nearby, and while I was looking at him in bewilderment, he told the staffs,
'You are looking at the future Exec. Chef.'
I was like OMFG. Damn embarassing okay! I dont even aim to be an EC! Siao. I dont even want to be an EC actually. I dont like working in hotel lines. So depressing. And I dont have much endurance anyways.
Hmm but you know..I think I'd rather be working non stop and not having an off day. I always get depressed on my off day. I dont know what to do..
Gosh. I'm turning into a workaholic. Shit. I guess its in my genes. My mom is a workaholic. My sister has turned into one. And now its my turn. T_____T
Slap me someone.
Oh and yesterday I tried carving! OMG I'm loving it..
I was just casually asking this CDP bout carving coz I saw him did it last week and it looked beautiful. And the next thing I know, he asked me to get a him a papaya and he taught me the basic on the spot! Wah lao..
He told me to do the flower that he taught over and over again on the poor papaya and he said I'm getting better and quite good for someone who never holds a carving knife before. Heh. *innocent smile*
...
Gawd this is the crappiest post I've ever blogged.
Anyway,
I.Cant.Wait.To.Get.My.Ass.Out.Of.This.Country.
To explore the world of pastry abroad..
And leave the pain behind.
And turned my motivation towards my dreams instead.
So what if fatigue will eventually kill me one day?
I have nothing to lose.*
(Today)
The Western Sous Chef lost my paring knife. :(
He said if he couldnt find it by this week, he'll buy me a new one. But it wouldnt be the same *Wails*
Being the only girl in hot kitchen does has its advantages though..*cough*
And oh gosh, these Coffeehouse people are out of this world lah. I couldnt stop laughing just now til I had a stomach cramp. =.='
They sayang me so much T___T
Its funny, but I think I'll really miss them once I walked out of that place at the end of this month..
*
Time flies by so quickly..
Sometimes in life, we have to make sacrifices.
Sacrifice the ones you loved and cherish for your dreams.
I sincerely hope you do get them..
I'm moving forward..and I'm letting go..
And now I'll chase my own dreams..
Alone.
I feel so empty inside..
God, please hear my prayers.
And bless me in everything I do. Love me.Or.Hate Me.You Decide.
♥Panda.Penguina♥
